his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
