we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
