i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
