I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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