forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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