College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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