It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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