you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
