Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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