i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
