Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
