dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
