like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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