I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
