What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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