I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
