I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Semen is not good for contacts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
