hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
