he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
