I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Blow job season was short but glorious.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
