You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
