i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
