a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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