Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
