You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
