I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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