is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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