do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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