I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
