I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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