The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
