Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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