oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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