Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
