just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
be right there i have to get my cape
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
my liver is dry heaving
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
