So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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