it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
