It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
