its not stalking. its research.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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