I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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