WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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