I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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