Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
