I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
