I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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