i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
