May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
