i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
