What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
