she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
