I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
