WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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