Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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